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Joke of the Day

"A cop pulled me over because he thought I was talking on a cell phone but really I was just rubbing a slice of pizza on the side of my face"

"Before scientists discovered... Before scientists discovered that the ""I before E except after C"" rule wasn't universal, they were called sceintists."

"""I just heard that that one actress from Legally Blonde, Reese... 'whatever her last name is' got stabbed to death walking to her car last night."" ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife."""

"how many pop punkers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? five, one to drop it and four to two step and PICK IT UP PICK IT UP PICK IT UP!"

"Doc, I've got a problem... ...every morning at 8 sharp i poop... Doc: How is that a problem? Guy: ...I wake up at 9..."

"Do you know why the bike couldnt stand by itself? It was TWO TIRED!!!"

"[boss starts giggling uncontrollably during his presentation as I tickle a voodoo doll]"

"Haha we can see inside your cage You like it when we poke you with that stick right?"

"Ben Carson is going to be our next president. Cause once you go black, you never go back."

"All these years and the ""insert thumb and lift"" tab on macaroni and cheese boxes is still lying to us."