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Joke of the Day

"*Vladimir Putin dining* I want Russian fries ""They're French fries"" Not for long *crosses Ukraine out on agenda & lists France* Not for long"

"If I could have been any Monarch in history I would have been George the 6th But with asthma. That way I could introduce myself by saying I'm King George... and Wheezy."

"Make a friend today. Give a complete stranger a big, long hug. If they happen to get mad, tell the police a guy on twitter said you could."

"Why won't Derek Zoolander vote for Hillary Clinton? Because he can't turn left."

"Did you hear about the world's greatest ninja...? Me neither."

"Yes I am 45, male and love cats. Recently I posted a selfie. It could be worse though, right? Hello?"

"My doctor told me to avoid trans fats. I'm really gonna miss Tumblr."

"*interrupts friends* ""u gotta hear this tweet..Ok.."" *realizes tweet starts with 'action asterisks' & doesnt know how to read that out loud*"

"My dementia keeps getting progressively fruit pants."

"A baby seal walks into a bar. The bartender says ""what'll ya have"" Seal replies ""Anything but Canadian Club."