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Joke of the Day

"Customer service stopped recording my calls for training purposes. There's nothing to be learned from that much profanity."

"With Fifty Shades of Grey that came out today, cinemas should serve ketchup... ...for all the fish fingers"

"""My dog's learning to speak a foreign language."" ""Espanol?"" ""No, he's a labrador."""

"K: 1s(2)2s(2)2p(6)3s(2)3p(6)4s(1) Or you can write it in noble gas notation as [Ar]4s(1) and all of those numbers argon. (OC)"

"My friends keep telling me I'm in the closet. I just tell them it's Narnia business."

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?"

"What do you call an impotent lizard? A reptile dysfunction"

"Me: when I grow up I'm going to be an astronaut. 5 year old daughter: you're already grown up. You'll be dead soon."

"""Oh, no. No, no, no. Are you kidding me?"" -First thing I would say if someone raised me from the dead"

"""When I was your age, I invented the time machine"" I told my Granddad."