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Joke of the Day

"I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high She told me she's tired of my repost BS and divorced me. It was definitely a surprise."

"What do you call it when a jaeger licks your butthole? Pacific Rim Job."

"The Climate of New Zealand Teacher: Matthew, what is the climate of New Zealand? Matthew: Very Cold, sir. Teacher: Wrong. Matthew: But, sir! When they send us meat it always arrives frozen!"

"For job interviews, your best bet is to dress as a pizza delivery person, march in and say ""Who ordered DILIGENCE and ATTENTION TO DETAIL!?"""

"[Batman's parents return after 40 years] Surprise!! Wait, wtf are you wearing?"

"Have you ever tasted Ethiopian food... Neither have they."

"I'm so thankful my childhood was filled with imagination and bruises from playing outside, instead of apps and how many likes you get on a picture."

"What's red and green and spins round & round & round? A frog in a blender."

"""911, please help im dying"" Good cop: help is on the way Bad cop: just suck it up and be a man Dad cop: hi dying, im dad"

"Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?"