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Joke of the Day

"Nerd crush in Star Wars originals was Carrie Fisher. Nerd crush in Star Wars Force Awakens... The stormtrooper who yells **""TRAITOR!**"

"Sometimes you have to stop tweeting to have an alibi for ignoring texts."

"Where do dumb aliens go? Area 52"

"What's black, white, and red all over? The bludgeoned face of a bi racial man in 2017 america."

"Knock knock..... Who's there? Interrupting terrorist. Interrupting terrorist w- Lololololollololololo (Bang)"

"Why would you rather run into a bmw driver than a cactus? Because it's easier to deal with just one prick"

"A duck walks up to a prostitute.... And says, ""put it on my bill"""

"Rihanna. Sorry, I put the punch line in the tittle."

"My penis is so big... the only relationships I can have are long distance"

"Being a parent means enthusiastically clapping for a lot of mediocre stuff. It's like being a Coldplay fan."