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Joke of the Day

"I like to stand next to someone else's screaming baby, call an ex boyfriend, and tell him, ""We need to talk!"""

"What is the difference between a golfer and a sky-diver? The golfer goes *WHACK!* ""Shit!"" The Sky-diver goes ""Shit!"" *WHACK!*"

"If I can't buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop."

"My wife says if this post gets over 1000 upvotes, I can get anal. Please upvote because I want this house to be spotless."

"Where does a North Korean go after he upvotes a thread on Reddit? To the morgue."

"When is a bread not kneaded? When it's unnecessary"

"I hate when a grocery clerk judges you for what you put on the checkout belt. I found that dead cat behind YOUR store & now I want to buy it"

"What is it called when a turtle is mentally retarded? Reptile disfunction. ."

"Who is Bobby Long? and why do all these reggae artists keep talking about wanting to burn him."

"I apologize for referring to your newborn baby as a Questionable Spinoff"