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Joke of the Day

"Recreational drugs? No thanks, I went pro years ago."

"A mug of beer walks into a bar... The bartender sees him and says, ""Sorry, we don't serve alcoholic drinks here."" A rift in the space-time continuum is created as the bar ceases to exist."

"What's the fastest way to become a general in the Rebel Alliance? Leia Princess!"

"If you ever get drugged by someone and they steal an organ, just check Craigslist. That's probably where I'm selling it at."

"The navigator of the Titanic dashed to the Captain's deck. Navigator: ""Sir, if we keep heading that way we will hit the iceberg! We have to change course now!!"" Captain: ""but it's unsinkable."""

"Why don't blind people bungee jump? It scares the fuck out of the dogs."

"Bought a water at the airport and now one of my kids can't go to college."

"It seems to me that if you can afford a barrel and a pair or suspenders you can afford a pair of pants."

"It's bullshit that dogs get their own heaven but we humans have to go to the same heaven as moths and tractors"

"How were you conceived? Daddy came on his shoe and kicked mommy in the ass. Or Daddy came on the wall and mommy ran against the wall."