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Joke of the Day

"1) Print out all your favstar trophies and fold them so they are 2D 2) Put them on your mantle 3) Invite dad over 4) Become favorite son"

"""Daddy , how do stars die ?"" ""Drugs , usually"""

"Have you ever been in a Native American orgy...? It's fucking intense."

"How long does Netflix have to be down before they send someone to your house to stroke your hair & tell you everything's going to be alright"

"a lawyer, a priest, and a gangster walk into a bar bartender says, ""what is this, a joke??"""

"Why do Jewish men get circumcised? Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 20% off."

"U2 donated that album without charging, and we hate it. That's pro bono and anti-Bono at the same time."

"The cashier is telling me to ""have a nice day,"" but judging by her tone she wants me to ""die in a tire fire."""

"A lot of people are talking about Usain Bolt. I guess it's a running joke."

"Half-life 3 has finally been announced at E3!! :("