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Joke of the Day

"Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over? Me: Because I didn't see you first."

"Where you do see yourself in five years? I don't know, I don't have 2020 vision!"

"I ate my dog because it ate my homework. Just kidding, I ate it because I'm Asian."

"Did you hear about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air? She missed."

"Why Donald Trump will win the primary but loose the general election? He can push through the Bushes but cannot climb a **Hill**ary."

"In the interest of improving the workplace, my company has put up signs that say: CAUTION. OPEN DOORS SLOWLY. My best time so far is 7 min."

"I still have no idea what the fuck Grape Nuts are supposed to be."

"Spider-Man Spider-Man Does whatever a spider can Spins a web Any size Catches thieves Eats those guys Hey wait Don't do that Spider-Man"

"I've tried every drug but crack. Who you callin' buttcrack, asshole?!?!"

"There's a Little House On The Prairie film in the works, in case any of you are looking to take a two-hour nap in a theatre next year."