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Joke of the Day

"girlfriend: we need to talk me: ok what's up girlfriend: I'm pregnant me: OH AND I SUPPOSE THAT'S MY FAULT TOO"

"I always carry a small bottle of Tabasco when I fly. You never know when you're going to crash in the Alps & have to live by eating people."

"I was very lonely so I bought some shares. It's nice to have a bit of company."

"Just took an acting class.... Now I'm qualified to be a soccer player"

"Every fork at your favorite restaurant has been in 100's of strangers' mouths"

"If you look in your bathroom mirror & say ""Donald Trump"" 3 times, the hair in your shower drain rises up & starts yelling racist slurs."

"Sir, on a scale of 1 to drunk, where would you say you stand? I'll sit"

"A penguin walks into an airport... A TSA officer stops him and says ""Penguins can't fly."""

"You guys like jokes I hear, I got a joke for you. Women's rights...."

"A little Jewish boy asks his Jewish father for 40$... Father: 30$! what do you need 20$ for?!"