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Joke of the Day

"girlfriend: we need to talk me: ok what's up girlfriend: I'm pregnant me: OH AND I SUPPOSE THAT'S MY FAULT TOO"

"We need to run the government like a business. Specifically a Quizno's with a bat infestation, staffed by emotionally unbalanced retirees."

"I don't understand why banks keep their pens chained to the counter If I trust you with my money, then you should trust me with your pen!"

"Donald Trump isn't the candidate the Republicans need, he's the candidate they deserve. (as punishment for all the stuff they've done over the last eight years)"

"The world will be a much better place if everybody took a chill pill... It would be even better if some of them choked on it."

"My wife and I decided we don't want children... ...if anybody does, we can drop them off tomorrow."

"I bought a smart TV It doesn't show Trump"

"how many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Two: One to eat my ass. One to suck my dick. I screw in the light bulb..."

"Why go to a public pool when strangers on Craigslist will pee on you for free"

"What's the only mammal that can breathe under ice? An elephant hiding in your fridge"