1550

Joke of the Day

"Sandpaper I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. Gosh, I only intended to rough him up a bit."

"whats 6 inches long, red, and makes cry my girlfriend cry when i feed it to her her miscarriage"

"ME: I have chronic pain. It flares up whenever someone challenges my beliefs FRIEND: That's not really how chronic pain works ME: ow owwww"

"Was looking at smoking pipes on Amazon & realized that CW could look at my history.So,I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats."

"5yo: [loudly whispers] MOMMY, SEE? WE'RE LETTING YOU AND DADDY SLEEP! AREN'T WE DOING GOOD? Me: [in bed] Yeah. You're doing GREAT."

"I like my women like I like my weather. 60 and dry."

"Girl I'm so sorry your parents died, was it Kony? Oh a bus accident. Was Kony driving the bus"

"Good thing ""you only live once"" has really caught on otherwise we might all kill ourselves like it's no big deal"

"Whats the difference between a mosquito and a hooker? When you slap a mosquito it stops sucking."

"Did you hear about the gay Russian knight? His name was Sergei."