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Joke of the Day

"Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop."

"I like my men like I like my chess players... They know how to make an opening."

"What's grey? A melted penguin!"

"A rusted van sits under a bridge. Rats gnaw on moldy Scooby Snacks. Shaggy takes a hit off the pipe. ""WHY COULDN'T YOU LOVE ME VELMA?"""

"Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook."

"What's the worst part about eating out an 80 year old? Depends"

"I want to throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted."

"K Wow! Congratulations! With that 0.1 seconds of your life you saved are you gonna go to Mauritius or Hawaii?"

"Cow joke What's wrong with Bessie? She looks like she's in constant pain! She has mooootiple sclerosis"

"""Momma momma, why do I keep running around in circles?"" ""Shut up or I'll nail your other foot to the floor."""