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Joke of the Day

"""We like the idea, we do. We're just afraid it's going to keep the viewer awake."" - Sundance Channel execs"

"Did you hear the submarine construction business closed down? Shame they went under"

"Q: Why are people in Arkansas having peanut butter and jelly for Thanksgiving this year? A: Because they're sending their turkey to the White House!"

"Where do you put people with ADHD? A concentration camp"

"Roommate: (looking over my shoulder at my files) What's ""goat_in_heels.wav"" (I slam my laptop shut & throw it through a closed window)"

"Ugh this morning this cop was all ""what's with the fake mustache"" & ""you can't throw turtle shells out of your vehicle"" & ""who's Yoshi"""

"CUTE GIRL: [motioning to my dog] is he yours? ME: no, he's adopted"

"Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I'm not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore."

"I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey. But I turned myself around."

"Do you know hwat I do when im sad? Me neither - I'm depressed."