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Joke of the Day

"How to spell ""me"" A man walks up to a woman and asks her to spell the word ""ME"" for him. She says, ""M-E"". The man says, ""But you forgot the D!"" ""But there's no ""D"" in ""ME""!"" He says, ""Not yet.."""

"Toast at a Wedding ""May you live as long as you want and not want for as long as you live."" That's an Irish toast. ""Cinnamon, eggs, bread, and maple syrup."" That's a French toast."

"*gets pulled over* Do you know how fast you were going? *pulls string* *inflates emergency mustache* Oh sorry officer. You're free to go."

"I don't like vacuums. They suck."

"I'm not getting married till Pizza Hut allows gift registry."

"What does Batman ask when he enters a butcher shop? Gotham?"

"I told my friend that I'm getting a divorce. ""What about the kids?"" he asked. I said, ""they're still together."""

"This morning I made my coffee with an energy drink instead of water. Fifteen minutes on the highway later I realized I forgot my car in the garage."

"How is a rabbit similar to a plum? they are both purple, except for the rabbit."

"My New Girlfriend Facebook asks what I'm thinking. Twitter asks what I'm doing. Google asks where I am. The internet has turned into my girlfriend."