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Joke of the Day

"Who do you call to clean up foul language? A cuss-todian!"

"My little brother urinated all over my new laptop. I think he needs to learn to use Ctrl P."

"Q: What's the difference between a blonde and McDonald's? A: A blonde serves more people in a night."

"What did the closed can say to the half opened can? YOU'RE BEING UNCANNY!"

"What do you call a cow that can't produce milk? Udderly useless."

"My friend told me I sounded pretentious in my essay I don't get it: I don't think I sound ostentatious."

"The most tedious aspect of my job is the part where I have to jiggle the mouse every 30 minutes to keep the screensaver from activating."

"You know, if I slouch in my chair at just the right angle, my fat rolls into a pretty impressive 3-pack'. Heck, I'm half way to sexy town "

"Original Yo Momma? (I think, please verify) Yo mommas so fat, shes being traded on the oil futures market!"

"What's the difference between jam and marmalade? You can't marmalade your dick down your girlfriend's throat."