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Joke of the Day

"Wife:Have you seen the bag of dog treats? Me:*flashback of drunk me eating what I thought was a bag of beef jerky.. No? W: Really? Idiot."

"Why did Helen Keller's dog kill itself? You would too if your name was ""ARGHAGHRRAH!"""

"*COPS* cop: there he is! get him! 'you'll never catch me! i'm translucent-man!' *goes translucent* cop: we can still kinda see you"

"How many teenagers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but you need a fairly big lightbulb."

"What does a power ranger say before they do drugs? It's morphine time!"

"Promoting religious concepts is a sin"

"During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly ""Nervous?"" asked the interviewer, I simply replied ""No I always give 110%"""

"Hire The Pretty Blonde"

"I cannot even tell you how huge my penis is Doctors have tried their most powerful microscopes to find it, with no success so far"

"What do fat chicks and mopeds have in common? They are fun to ride until your friends find out."