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Joke of the Day
"Men treat women like objects. Weird men treat objects like women."
Next Joke
"Static cling is just physics showing us how much it loves us."
"Spruce up your weeknight: run the dishwasher and imagine you're on a cruise!"
"Wife: Talk sexy to me Husband: Commencing garment extraction W: Huh? H: Initiating trouser disengagement W: ... H: Removing unmentionables"
"""Putin's Assassination Attempt On Bob Costas Fails, Matt Lauer Next Target"" (Faux Onion headline. Follow on twitter @gizopizo)"
"A security camera caught a couple having sex in an elevator. .... They got off on the eighth floor.... then they straightened their clothing and exited the elevator on the 14th floor."
"In hell, your socks are always wet"
"I hate when I'm driving and I see people text and drive. It makes me want to throw my beer can at them."
"I decided to put certified SCUBA diver on my resume. That way they know I can handle intense pressure on the job."
"-hey don't shoot me, i'm just the messenger! -oh the letter says to shoot me? okay th-"