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Joke of the Day

"""Wow, it smells like *sniff* wait what the?"" *Rips blind fold off and sees house burning down* ""Omg!"" Narrator: The power of Febreeze"

"What's a pirate's favorite bomb? The tsARRR bomba."

"If your ex wife, and ex mother in law were drowning and you could only save one.. What kind of sandwich would you make?"

"What do all battered women have in common? (In a frustrated voice) They just don't listen."

"I bet that in prison everyone's FB relationship status is set to ""it's complicated""."

"Did anyone else go into Monsters, Inc. thinking it was going to be a movie about a really big sink?"

"Chinese takeout Chinese food to go $15. Gas to go pick it up $1.50. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of my containers.... Riceless."

"When I get Cheeto dust on my fingers I use it to draw warpaint on my face. I am serious as fuck about my Cheetos."

"2 nuns are riding their bikes to church As they're riding, one nun says to the other ""I've never come this way before"". The other nun turns to her and says ""It's the cobblestone""."

"Interesting piece of history... In 1872, the Arabs invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine. In 1873, the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first."