154121

Joke of the Day

"How is Donald Trump like a pumpkin? They're both orange on the outside, hollow on the inside, and should have been thrown out in early November."

"This is just a quick reminder that we're all gonna die one day so don't get caught up in petty shit also stop stealing my tweets Greg."

"Saw a chameleon today... must've been a really shitty chameleon."

"Why didn't British explorers dig latrines? They had pith helmets."

"If you're moving to a new house for a ""fresh start,"" congratulations your new house is haunted."

"Why monkeys make terrible drivers: bad depth perception, suffer from road rage & fling poop at other drivers."

"I wanted to bake you a bundt... but I was stopped by anti-caking agents."

"For our 25 year anniversary, my wife asked me for a present that goes from 0-200 in seconds. I got her a bathroom scale."

"Carly is a pirate. Because X marks the spot."

"Old people talk into cell phones like they hit the Caps Lock key on their voice."