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Joke of the Day

"""I caught a twenty pound salmon last week."" ""Were there any witnesses?"" ""There sure were. If there hadn't been it would have been forty pounds."""

"How to get a woman mad in 2 easy steps: 1. Take a picture of her. 2. Don't show it to her."

"I tried to impress a girl by putting my foot down on the pedal... ..turns out she'd seen a bin open like that before."

"Do you feel like a glass of carrot juice? Why? Do I look like one?"

"Typos change everything Mollahs wanted to bring the scientific method to Iran, but then someone in the process mistyped ""trial and error"" into ""rial and terror"""

"How many french men does it take to conquer Paris? No one knows, it's never been done."

"Q: Why can't you hear a viola on a digital recording? A: Recording technology has reached such an advanced level of development that all extraneous noise is eliminated."

"What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food ? Snakes and Larders !sna"

"I think people are getting sick of my jokes when they exhale deeply I should take it as a sigh-n"

"cop: are you high? me: if i was high could i do this? *vaults over car hood and does 360 no scope* cop: did you just say ""asterisk vaults ov"