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Joke of the Day

"Mugger: ""Hand over your stuff! No funny business!"" *I give him my wallet and phone but not my business proposal to open a clown college*"

"What do star wars and the U.K. have in common? They both abandoned the EU"

"Genie: I shall grant you three wis- Me: I wish my ex would fall back in love with me Genie: here's the thing Jeff, Kate's with me now..."

"My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores me until she needs something."

"What do you call a Mexican cutting a Mobius Strip?? Juan."

"If you get robot arms don't get the cheap ones [starts clapping for no reason]"

"[stunned, eyes lock, a smile exchanged, and I knew it was kismet] *hands cash to lady Ma'am my baby isn't for sale. I SAID I'LL TAKE TWO!!"

"""I move that we eliminate paper money altogether and use only coins!"" - a stack of change purses disguised as a US Senator"

"An octopus is very cool because if Snow White and the Seven Dwarves were drowning, it would have enough tentacles to save all of them."

"(Age 22) *chugs bottle of water* Let's shoot some more hoops! (Age 42) *chugs bottle of water* I gotta pee."