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Joke of the Day
"Why did Lamar give money to Kobe? Because Lamar Odom"
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"I stuck a ""Baby On Board"" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap."
"Cats are like rapists My cat is a lot like a rapist. He has no concept of the words ""Stop"" and ""No!"""
"What do you call a gay avatar? A bender."
"What's a pirate's favorite letter? Marque"
"If you were somehow able to land a punch on Chuck Norris your entire arm would shatter upon impact. This is only in theory, since, come on, who in their right mind would try this?"
"I like being handcuffed, but not plant heroin in my car, handcuffed."
"I like to believe in solipsism... ...but other people prove me wrong."
"'Ho Ho Ho' said Santa! as he watched 16 and pregnant!"
"[backstage at a concert] hey guys you mind signing this? [next day at car dealership] rascal flatts is your cosigner?"