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Joke of the Day

"I stuck a ""Baby On Board"" sign on my minivan to warn the other drivers how fussy and tantrum-y I get when traffic's bad or I miss my nap."

"*handshake* wow, soft hands! u must've never worked a day in ur life [coming off a 9 hour shift at the Vaseline factory] ""u dont know me."""

"Did you hear about Bill Cosby's latest victim? She was found 6 pills under"

"What's the difference between Tim Howard and Jesus? Jesus had 11 guys he could depend on."

"If Mr. Bigger has a baby, which one is bigger? The baby is, he's just a little Bigger."

"(getting into a hot tub full of people) i guess we're making some people soup huh gang"

"*tries to mount a horse* Horse: ""I have a boyfriend."""

"A dwarf, that happens to be a mystic, escapes from prison. The call went out that there was a small medium at large."

"I can't wait to tell my Grandkids, ""Back when I was kid, we were smarter than our phones!"""

"A Physicist sees a man about to jump off the Eiffel Tower He yells ""Don't do it! You have so much potential!"""