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Joke of the Day

"How are sex and pizza similar? If you get it from someone in a Chuck E. Cheese's it's never very good."

"I'm not that smart... and have no clue as to what any word means when it has more then two syllables. How will I ever shave?"

"Instead of playing FarmVille I just send blank email messages to myself and then delete them."

"Autocannibalism is self-serving."

"I don't know if my ceiling is the best ceiling, but it's definitely up there."

"""Time is an arbitrary concept"" is apparently a bad way to explain to your boss why you missed the project deadline"

"You're a Jehova's Witness? What was Jehova accused of?"

"I'd try Taco Bell's breakfast but I don't start drinking that early."

"What's the difference between a DVD player and a cow's anus? If you answered 'I don't know,' I'm certainly not letting you borrow any of **my** DVDs in the future!"

"Cooking is actually really easy for anyone to do It's just that most people don't have thyme."