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Joke of the Day

"Dude I'm Colin Kapernick and I'm black. Dude you're not even brown. You look like Matthew Perry. -Harold and Kumar"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the little bitch's house."

"How do you know if an Italian person is mute? When you see he has no hands."

"Skinny= Anorexic Thick= Obese. Virgin= Too good. Non-Virgin= Slut. Friendly= Fake. Quiet= Rude. It seems like you can never please society"

"Next time you're at the bar, ask the bartender for a Ryan Lochte When the bartender asks you what's in a Ryan Lochte? Just say ""I don't know, make something up"""

"Me: Weaknesses? Oh, I'd say not relating well to other sentient beings. -I meant about the janitor job. Me: Oh ya, I don't know how to sweep"

"Jack and John A guy in a plane stood up and shouted ""Hijack!"" Everyone panicked. From the other end of the plane a man stood up and shouted back ""Hi John!"""

"I got stung by a bee the other day..... 15 for a jar of honey!"

"""What the fuck is a newspaper?"" - our grandchildren"

"I JUST CONSUMED SO MUCH SUGAR THAT I FEEL ALL SHOUTY IN MY HEAD AND CAPS LOCKY AND HOLY CRAP HOW DO PEOPLE DO ACTUAL DRUGS"