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Joke of the Day

"I ordered a new joke in the mail... It's pretty funny, but I haven't quite gotten the delivery yet"

"Figure skating is so gay. That's it, Olympics, I'm switching over to Project Runway."

"Height Q: What is the height of honesty? A: A pregnant lady takes one and a half ticket in the bus Q: What is the height of dishonesty? A: She gives birth to twins"

"Why couldn't Mewtwo move? There was too much friction."

"An atheist, a cross-fitter and a vegan walk into a bar... We only know because they told everyone within a minute."

"INTERVIEWER: what do you consider your greatest strength ME: ... INTERVIEWER: ... ME (38 minutes later): I'd say promptness"

"I used to be really into nostalgia... ...those were good times."

"I went to the air and space museum this past weekend I didn't see anything, so I left"

"Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you. But roses are wilting, violets are dead, sugar bowl's empty and so is your head."

"My fiance said the funniest thing out of context today. Lewis and Clark were so starved on their exploration, Sacajawea had a hard time understanding why they didn't eat Seaman."