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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Where'd you buy my gift? Me: Bed Bath & Beyond Wife: You used a coupon right? Me: Coupon? *wife faints*"

"Just welled up with tears listening to Cheers opening theme song in case you didn't know what PMS feels like."

"What is the difference between a bowling ball and a sorority girl? You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball"

"Domestic Violence 1/10 10/10 with Ray Rice"

"Doctors to Patients The patient says, ""Doctor, I have a pain in my eye whenever I drink tea."" The doctor says, ""Take the spoon out of the mug before you drink."""

"Dad: ""Son, if you don't stop masturbating you're gonna go blind."" Son: ""I'm over here Dad."""

"Is there an apology card for: Sorry I kidnapped your dog and made him run on a treadmill to power my toaster last week, or no?"

"""son, I've had to throw my golf socks out"" ""Why dad? cos you got... A HOLE IN ONE? HAHA"" ""No son. I killed a man. They're covered in blood"""

"By now, I'm pretty sure Scott Weiland was right. He's half the man he used to be."

"At the Olympics a man went up to a competitor who was carrying a very long pole. ""Are you a pole vaulter?"" ""No, I'm German, but how did you know my name is Walter?"""