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Joke of the Day

"I made a shitty voodoo doll, once... ...and all the limbs fell off. Worked out for me, though."

"If by fitness you mean I eat healthy & exercise regularly, then yes, I am not fit."

"It's only a problem if others know about it.... *Sweeps problems under rug*"

"a bird doesnt sing becuase it has an answer. it sings becuase birds are jerks who like to hear the sound of their own voice"

"My daughter swam with dolphins for $2,000. I think she should've been able to have sex with them for that price."

"Only 1 in 6 Americans can find Ukraine on a map... Putin is fixing the issue by just calling it all ""Russia""."

"The best part of finishing a long piece of writing is when the laptop hits your talentless loser foot as you boot it off a roof."

"Tinder announced a new feature this week which gives users 37 gender options to choose from And it's now easier than ever to avoid matching with the mentally unstable"

"Dear Mario, I wasted my childhood trying to save your girlfriend :)"

"I think the only way I'll ever be motivated to go to the gym is if I'm in prison."