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Joke of the Day

"Food bank Im that poor i cant even get help from the food bank, they said I'm 2 tins of Tomatoes and a banana overdrawn."

"So a Muslim man walks into an elementary school... To pick up his wives"

"My New Years resolution. Always HD 1080p I don't know why everyone keeps asking."

"What does an accountant call a friend's birthday party? (x-post from /r/tax) A present liability!"

"[principal's office] ""Your child's previous school indicates you're a bit of a helicopter parent."" Velociraptor: That's got to be a typo."

"Your Costco ID photo shows you what you'd look like if you were a meth addict."

"I just had the biggest bowel movement of my life then turned around and the toilet was empty. Needless to say I completely lost my shit"

"A dance club by night and coffee house by day, called Bump and Grind."

"Some people are flirting with my delete & block button."

"I think it has become obvious that medicine companies have no idea what fruit tastes like."