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Joke of the Day

"Hey, who did you vote for?... I wrote in Michael J. Fox. I think he can really shake things up!"

"My son managed to lock the car with my keys still in the ignition. He suggest a coat hanger. I said we're a few years too late for that."

"A friend of mine asked me, ""what rhymes with orange?"" I said, ""no, it doesn't"". *Credit to Jimmy Carr.* **Edit:** ITT: door hinge, syringe, whore binge, Blorenge."

"If your tweet gets stolen and posted on Facebook... It's your own fault for not making it offensive enough!"

"(Dark humor) what's the difference between a sandwich and a dead baby? I don't fuck a sandwich before I eat it."

"Why are Juggalos obsessed with hatchets? Felons can't buy guns"

"""Say, farmer....."" Traveling Salesman: ""Say, farmer, where does that road go to?"" Farmer: ""Well, I lived here all my life, it ain't gone nowhere yet."""

"Tim Vine came up to me. I said,""Hey, you're Time Vine!"" He said,""My name's not Tim Vine, it's Timbuktu."" He paused. ""Sorry, I was miles away."""

"Woman: Come over. Man: I am coming over. Woman: We should stop using walkie talkies in bed over."

"Two guys meet at a bar. ""My wife ran off with my best friend Peter..."" ""Oh no, when did this happen?"" ""Yesterday."" ""And since when is Peter your best friend?"" ""Yesterday!"""