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Joke of the Day

"Girl is asked by her teacher in class to use handsome in a sentence. (She pauses to think) Girl: Sometimes when I'm giving my bf a blowjob, my mouth gets tired... so then I use my *handsome*."

"How does a ninja shop for groceries? No one knows."

"My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Until they kicked me out of the library"

"What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you? Your calves!"

"I read an article about a stolen dog being reunited with its owner and it made me feel good to think maybe someone will steal my dog one day"

"Why did the police chief hate going into the basement? Because it was beneath his station. :P"

"Why isn't there democracy in North Korea? Because everytime they try to pronounce ""election"" everyone starts to giggle"

"Hillary will give her concession speech... Since somebody paid her $250,000 speaking fee."

"How many music majors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 16 One to screw it in and 15 others to stand around and talk shit about how bad the one person did."

"I'm getting restraining orders against all the cops so I can do anything I want"