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Joke of the Day

"THERAPIST: Your notes say that you ""scare easily"" and are ""quite disagreeable"". ME: *from behind the couch* That's not true."

"I don't eat animals because I object to how poorly they are treated and raised. Which is why I eat well-loved children."

"People overlook Dracula's positive attributes. In his bat form, he eats mosquitoes and other unwanted backyard insects."

"What is a pirates favorite letter? Most say the letter 'R' But a pirates first love is the mighty 'C' By the mighty 'C' I mean the clitoris YARRRRHHHHHhhh....."

"When a girl says, ""I think we should talk,"" it's never about the Bat Mobile."

"What's the difference between a paycheck and a pen*s? You don't have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck."

"Did you hear about the Furry who started frequenting SomethingAwful? Hare today, Goon tomorrow!"

"Before I do anything important, I always ask myself ""would this gain house points for Gryffindor or lose house points for Gryffindor?"""

"Two cans of Red Bull may give you x-ray vision, but five cans give you the ability to hear oxygen."

"What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture... What do you get when Sleeping Beauty gives a lecture on the Northern Lights to the people of Wonderland? Aurora boring Alice."