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Joke of the Day

"Are you there God? It's me, Margaret. YES MY CHILD Great! Amway is the largest multi-level marketing company worldwide. Our products range"

"Dog: Me: Dog: Me: Dog: *spits out pill* Me: DAMMIT!"

"I make all my clothing choices based on what I would look like if I'm unexpectedly asked to bounce on a trampoline at some point in the day."

"I hope I'm never behind Johnny Depp going through airport security. Watching him take off all those accessories would be sad."

"Why couldnt the feminist screw in a lightbulb? Because there was a glass ceiling."

"If Trump and Clinton were stranded on a desert island, who would survive? America."

"I wonder what hospitals do with all the foreskins."

"My girlfriend asked me: ""Reddit or me?"" Sometimes I miss her."

"So I was buying a ticket for a train from London to Paris... And the man behind the desk said, ""Eurostar?"" So I replied, ""Well I've been on TV, but I'm no Johnny Depp!"""

"Went camping last weekend.. Yeah it was intents"