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Joke of the Day

"*deletes fb account* *leaves social media* *goes to Himalayas* *pigeon comes with a note* *opens note* *candy crush request* *dies*"

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"Obama could eat children alone under a bridge hunched over like Gollum in a thunder storm and he'd still be better than Bush."
"My girlfriend fell and got a bruise on her ass. It was nasty. and the bruise was ugly too."
"How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick!!"
"Steve wrote home. 'I'm glad you named me Steve' he said in the letter. 'Why?' asked his mother in her reply. 'Because that's what all the kids at camp call me' he wrote back."
"I participated in a trigonometry competition I got secant place."
"Why don't Buddhists have Instagram? They don't believe in the concept of a selfie."
"What did Abe Lincoln say after a three day drinking binge? ""Wait... I freed ***WHO***?!?!?"""
"My boss asked me to pick him something cheap up to eat for lunch he wasn't too happy when I came back with his daughter."
"Did you hear about the witch who ate 10 packs of gum? She had some double bubble toilet trouble."