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Joke of the Day

"26.8 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot."

"Airline passenger fell asleep on my shoulder. It was already awkward so I just went ahead & braided her hair."

"I was going to write a joke about the pentagon... But I gave up when I couldn't find the right angle."

"I think I want a job cleaning mirrors It's just something I can see myself doing."

"WIFE: You know, you're my best friend! Am I your best friend? ME: [subtly exchanges knowing glance with our dog] Of course you are, sweetie"

"What do Popeye's fingers smell like? Olive oil."

"No one spoil the ending, I haven't finished the iTunes user agreement yet!!"

"What do phone books and women have in common? They both couldn't vote before 1920"

"1998: - Don't get in strangers' cars - Don't meet ppl from internet 2016: - Literally summon strangers from internet to get in their car"

"*open up knapsack and a parachute comes out* Kid: But that means- *Dad is hurtling towards the ground with a sandwich and apple*"