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Joke of the Day

"What did the black guy get on his SATs? BBQ sauce."

"The good thing about being tall is, you can't get lost in a crowd. The bad thing is, you can't get lost in a crowd."

"[dog paws your leg when you stop stroking his head] 1st time: ""aww cuuuute"" 2nd time: ""ha okay"" 3rd time: ""i am trapped in a nightmare"""

"When my wife said let's do something fun for our anniversary I had no idea she meant together. I'm a man not a mind reader. I forgive you."

"What's the greatest gift you could give to a trashcan? A baby."

"Dave drowned So at the funeral we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt. It's what he would have wanted. (Gary Delaney)"

"My wife went ape-shit when she caught me doing shots with her sister. She knew we were doing them, she just never realized they were cum shots."

"What is green and has 4 wheels? Grass... I lied about the wheels"

"[Entire house is full of trees] Girlfriend: What did you do?! Me: You told me to spruce things up. GF: Everything's stuck to everything!!!"

"GUY 1: Why can't we skip rope without society judging us? GUY 2: What if we occasionally beat the crap out of each other? Boxing is born."