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Joke of the Day

"If video games were really bad for you, then the entire Pac-man generation would be eating pills and running away from their problems Oh wait."

"[clown interview] Why become a professional clown? me: [picturing getting hit in the face with cream pies every day] um I like kids"

"If I had a penny for every Trump joke being made right now I would have a small loan of a million dollars"

"Just been chatting on Skype to a young lady who lives in Wales, she's asked me to come and visit her...this weekend I'm off to Bangor."

"Why don't black girls wear underwear to cookouts? To keep the flies off the fried chicken."

"What is the difference between a blind man and a sailor in prison? One can't see to go the other can't go to sea."

"[interview with girl at dating agency] i get shy around pretty girls [girl smiles brushing hair from her face] ""are you shy now"" not really"

"A person receives a telegram informing him about his mother-in-law's death. It also enquires whether she should be buried or burnt. He replies ""Don't take chances. Burn the body and bury the ashes."""

"I was asked earlier today to submit a 1,000 word essay. I thought, ""fcuk that"". So I just submitted a picture instead."

"*throws keys at nearest sober person* DRIVE ME HOME PEASANT"