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Joke of the Day

"""Guys. You guys. GUYS. Guys. YOU GUYS. Guys. Guys. GUYS."" - guy who discovered ice cream"

"One time I got Starmix and Tangfastics mixed up... ...it was a Haribo mistake."

"What song does a dwarf pimp sing? high ho's, high ho's, it's off to work I go"

"Facebook needs a Drama of the day section in my news feed."

"A joke about Germans - I m German and i was rolling on the floor laughing about it Q: Why do they bury Germans 20 meters underground? A: Because deep down they are really nice."

"[job interview] ""We feel that you just aren't quite mature enough for the position."" It's the Velcro shoes, isn't it. ""...yes."""

"I love my toilet. We've been through a lot of crap together."

"I once asked a girl out on a date to perform in my favorite hobby. She demanded there be no strings attached We had a shit day flying kites"

"Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert"

"Putting a woman on a $10 makes sense . . . . . . no one really wants a 1 or a 5. (As heard on Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me)"