151980

Joke of the Day

"So I told my girlfriend that she'd look better with her hair back... Which apparently is a very rude thing to say to a cancer patient."

"ME: My New Year's resolution is to eat less WIFE: Good! ME: (very, very quietly) ...vegetables."

"A guy is driving home thinking to himself.... if I was in a joke right now, what would the punch line be? Long story or short, he gets in a car accident and dies."

"(Q)....... What do fat women & mopeds have in common? (A)........ They're both fun to ride until your friends find out."

"[answers phone in crowded elevator] give me some good news...HOW contagious?"

"How to turn your dishwasher into a snowblower. Hand her a shovel!"

"Hulk Hogan walks into a tanning salon and drops a saddle on the counter. ""Make me look like this brother!"""

"In Tesla Motors you... Don't drive car, car drives you."

"Why was the lonely instantiated object always asked to sit in the hallway at school? Because only friends were allowed to access the class."

"NO, YOU GET THE HELL OFF YOUR PROPERTY."