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Joke of the Day

"The most heinous crime--against both Man and Nature--would be to plant dynamite inside cattle That, my friends, would be a-bomb-in-a-bull..."

"What's blue and fucks old people? Me in my lucky blue coat."

"Vodka & Vicodin are the answer. I have no idea what the hell the question was."

"So my girlfriend told me to treat her like a princess. So I put her in a castle and sent some Italian plummer to find her."

"I've spotted six Pokemon today but I don't have the Pokemon GO app so it may just be that I need my new meds adjusted."

"Are you a Carbon sample? Because I want to *date* you."

"The poor sentence got hurt while riding his bike... He got his dangling modifier stuck in the chain."

"Does California have *any* water? I seriously drought it."

"Someone check the bulletin board... I think it's been shot!"

"I remember when my mother would tuck me in She really wanted a daughter (taken from a front page meme)"