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Joke of the Day

"If your name is Paul... (If you beat somebody in any way). Are you a flower? CAUSE YOU JUST GOT PAULINATED!"

"*Open up, police!!* ""NO YOU'RE GONNA YELL AT ME."""

"The lesbians next door gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I think they misunderstood when I said I wanna watch."

"I used to date a Mobius stripper... ...I broke up with her when I found out that she would never stop."

"My baby cousin is completely spoiled... ten minutes is way too long to microwave a baby."

"How many light bulbs does it take to change a light bulb? They can't, they're not bright enough."

"How do you make a kilogram of fat appealing? Put a nipple on it"

"Chuck Norris' favorite cereal is Kellogg's Nails 'N' Gravel."

"*Wakes up in Superman's body* Me: Holy crap! I'm finally a hero! *Uses heat vision to re-heat last night's pizza & puts on Netflix*"

"Have you heard about what happened to that biggest sausage party last weekend? Nobody came."