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Joke of the Day

"I could not have sex with a man..... because I could never fuck something I respect. (Jim Jefferies)"

"What is it called when a guy called Justin gets justice? Justinice."

"Mum Mum Dad's broken my computer! How did he do that? I dropped it on his head."

"Why do we call it politics? Because poly means many and ticks mean blood-sucking parasites."

"The inventor of the remote control died yesterday. As per his wishes, he'll be buried in between 2 couch cushions."

"Any party is an ugly sweater party if you're ugly and you sweat a lot"

"How many Freudian scientists does it take to change a lightbulb? Two. One to change the lightbulb and the other to hold the penis LADDER I MEANT LADDER!!"

"I always have a quick look over my shoulder when sorting out my washing for the washing machines ""Blacks!"" ""Coloured!"" ""Whites!"""

"Yo momma so nasty... that flesh eating bacteria won't even eat her pussy."

"""Then it's agreed. We'll meet back in this same place in 10 years."" -Me to some dishes in my sink"