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Joke of the Day

"Our kitchen is starting to look like a middle school science fair"

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"Whenever I'm behind a college girl in starbucks she has to order a triple mocha dark chocolate raspberry ugg boot white iphone 5 spice latte"
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day... teach a man to fish and you create a market for bait and tackle."
"Apparently this is the letter ""v"" in Chinese: ... Lets see you try to fly in that shape American birds."
"My favorite sex position is solely based on how bad your breath is."
"What did the monster say to the Thanksgiving turkey? ""Pleased to eat you!"""
"I used to be really scared about marriage... In fact, I hear 50% of all marriages end up lasting Forever!"
"Yesterday in the World Cup, England beat Germany for the first time in recorded history. In fact, it's the first time England has won anything on the 4th of July."
"Q: Why did the gorilla fall out of the tree ? A: Because it was dead."
"what do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator"