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Joke of the Day

"So frustrating when you have to text but you're home so you have to go get in the car and drive all the way to the left lane of the freeway."

"The 4th little pig built his house into a windmill. The wolf huffed and puffed and generated enough power to last the whole winter."

"Hard to take the guy who made my sandwich seriously as an ""artisan"" when he seems so unperturbed by the way I rape his art"

"Q: What kind of spy hangs out in department stores? A: A counter spy."

"Are you seeing someone? Me: Are you seeing someone? Girl: Um, no. Me: Not even a psychiatrist?"

"What has 4308 eyes, 28957 legs, and 398503 teeth? I don't know, but if you see it, RUN!"

"What's the difference between zombies? Q: What's the difference between zombies? A: Zombies make honey, and zombies don't."

"The correct term for gluten-free, sugarless, vegan brownies is ""compost."""

"I was going to be a politician for Halloween Then I realized I couldn't fit my head up my ass"

"Ellen Pao reminds me of this guy I know... His name is OP"