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Joke of the Day

"(1st day in heaven) Me: Whoa- is that Elvis? Angel- no, it's an impersonator M: Wow, is that... A: listen man all we got is impersonators"

"Fertilizer Plant Explosion This fertilizer sucks, all these plants are dead!"

"I told my son about the bird's and the bee's... And he told me about my wife and the butcher."

"When Dracula went to the blood bank, he said: ""Do you deliver?"""

"Disney just announced plans for an animated adaptation of Dante's Inferno They're calling it, ""101 Damnations."""

"Hello, I'm waiter, I'll be your Walter tonight. Wait, the other way around. Sorry, first day. Care for a glass of Walter? Ooh boy ok"

"Why does everyone hate Harkonnen web-devs? Divs within Divs within Divs ..."

"Ladies, if you've ever walked by a van with no windows and you're reading this, it's because you're ugly."

"I was telling this chick how I almost died during childbirth and she asked me when I'm having another one. I SAID I ALMOST DIED, CRAZY LADY."

"My daughter bought a new mattress for when she goes off to school, but was undecided about whether to keep it. I told her to sleep on it."