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Joke of the Day

"I spend 17% of my day wiping the fingerprints off my phone screen."

"What's the difference between a boy scout and a Jew....... boy scouts return from camp"

"What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? They've both swallowed a lot of seamen."

"When you are drinking with your sister you can make a bunch of really stupid mistakes... if you don't pull out."

"How do you make a hippopotamus float? 2 hippos and a LOT of root beer."

"I don't understand chinese philosophy. It Confucius me."

"Shirley Temple, a wonderful example that making sex tapes, twerking, and going to re-hab are NOT necessary to make it in Hollywood. Classy is ALWAYS in style. RIP Little Princess."

"Prostate exam Okay, I'm going to give you a prostate exam. ... It won't hurt a bit... Hey, doctor, you could have removed your ring! It's not my ring, it's my watch..."

"What's black and is on top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking after a housefire."

"Two penguins are chilling in Antarctica. One turns to the other and says, ""Yo, it's really fucking cold."" The other quickly looks at the penguin and exclaims, ""Oh my god! You can talk!"""