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Joke of the Day

"Why do people say ""To be frank..."" when they're about to be brutally honest? WHAT IF FRANK LIED!? WHAT IF I WANT TO BE MARLENE!?"

"Sing me a song you're the piano man / clean out my pool you're the gardener /now light up my room you're a ceiling fan"

"[Family Feud] What's your answer?! *whispers into microphone* Please help me, I don't even know these people"

"What do you call 2000 mockingbirds? Two kilomockingbirds (credit goes to my old physics book)"

"Wife: ""I've made the chicken soup"" ""Thank god for that. I thought we had to eat it!"""

"Every time you push the potato button on your microwave, a potato appears in someone else's microwave."

"I should buy my girlfriend a plunger for christmas because she loves to bring up old shit."

"I farted while lifting a heavy object today. It was very embarrassing. I had to apologize to the man at the next urinal."

"Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says, ""I'll have some H2O."" The second one says, ""I'll have some H2O too."" The second one dies."

"My phone autocorrected ""killed"" to ""kilt""... Well plaid, phone... Well plaid."