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Joke of the Day

"The pig jumped into bed with my 6-year-old all by herself. It was super cute. Then the pig threw up all over her. Considerably less cute."

"NO MORE READING! Yesterday I was reading this article in the newspaper about all the danger of alcohol. It scared the crap out of me!!! So that's it - from this day forward, NO MORE READING!"

"there are 2 reasons why I dont take my GF on a long ride with Audi R8 Firstly, i have no GF and secondly I have no Audi R8."

"There is no bond greater than the mutual respect of two former high school friends who refuse to friend each other on Facebook."

"Why was Tigger always filthy? Because he was playing with Pooh."

"I'd like to start today by telling you how wonderful (NAME) is. I'd like to but..."

"A friend went to the CVS in Baltimore after the looting to pick up some items, the only things left behind were sun tan lotion and father's day cards."

"What is H.P. Lovecraft's cook book called? The Necronomnomnomicon."

"Met a girl named Gravity She was down to earth..."

"I thought I lost my car keys, but the NSA called and said they were in my other pants."