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Joke of the Day

"[being pushed into the middle of a dance circle] please, I have a family"

"If Abraham Lincoln was alive today... He'd be desperately clawing at the lid of his coffin."

"Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton are on a plane and it crashes on an island. Who survives? America."

"Dear Algebra Stop asking me to find your x . . . she is not coming back!"

"I practiced cursive for years in elementary school & my electronic bank signature still looks like it was signed by a drunk monkey."

"*stands next to ATM and cheers every time someone wins money*"

"""I'm a hoarse whisperer..."" - Batman"

"I got fired from being the events coordinator at the local orphanage. I think it's cause family day never really took off"

"Was there a good turnout at the Bernie Sanders rally? There were a lot of people, but I wouldn't say it was super pac'd."

"Namast'ay Away from negative people."