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Joke of the Day

"What kind of car does a pirate drive? A Yarrrrrrrrris."

"If your phone gets lost and a noble soul returns it to you.. Its time to change your phone."

"You wanna do stuff with toys in bed? Let's do it; I've already got like 3 hot wheels cars and a Barbie in there right now, so...."

"The worst is when someone ceases but they don't desist. That's some bullshit right there. Gotta do those simultaneously and whatnot."

"Oh you're a jogger? Good for you. I just burned 3000 calories in under 30 minutes. Can't believe I forgot that pizza was in the oven."

"I hate being bipolar... But it's also pretty awesome sometimes."

"What do you call a Chameleon that can't change colors? Reptile dysfunction."

"Why do Jewish fathers have their sons circumcised? They know Jewish women can't resist anything with 10% off."

"The biggest difference between men and women is what comes to mind when the hear the word FACIAL"

"A girl was giving me crap in math class. I told her to absolute value her attitude."